The umbrella has been unchanged for centuries, with little more than quirky, novel additions and gimmicks that never go widespread. Some changes I can appreciate; cupholder umbrellas, extra big umbrellas, double layer umbrellas that allow the wind to pass through, dog umbrellas, but nothing has overtaken the simple, humble umbrella.
So here are my proposed inventions, one of which came to me in a dream last night.
A one-time use umbrella made from bread. (I didn't say my ideas were practical)
A stupid design where the umbrella is upside down. However, this funnels the rainwater down the shaft and onto your feet where you can provide some targeted watering of plants that might refuse normally distributed rainwater for some reason.
A really fun umbrella. It tells you jokes.
The classic umbrella gun. However, my dream insisted that the handle be a detachable silencer. The way silencers work is that the energy from the bullet is distributed over a wider area, thus dimming the sound. This energy transfers for the most part instead to heat.
So, whenever you're out in the cold rain and you forget your gloves, shoot someone a couple of times in the face, then enjoy the loving warmth in the palm of your hands from your new Gunbrella.
The classic, simple, humble umbrella.
Not to be mistaken with the humble umbrella, this one constantly hums annoying tunes so the crowds in front of you give you more personal space. The premium version hums that super deep note that makes people suddenly crap themselves, making for an even speedier departure of the crowds.
This one doesn't let you rush around and stress. If you pass 100 steps per minute, the umbrella arms itself by collecting water up top, storing it inside. If you then pass 110 steps per minute, it unleashes a pool of rain onto your head. Better if you lumber.
An umbrella made from recycled nappies (diapers).
A particularly apathetic umbrella. It has high % alcohol stored within the shaft. Take a shot whenever you're feeling down.
The ultimate umbrella for @mathowl, and any dad. Every raindrop that lands on it lights up a new rain-related pun you can read and chuckle to yourself from the dry underbelly of the Punbrella.
Similar to the Lumbrella, but with the opposite effect. Once you pass 100 steps per minute, the Runbrella arms itself. If you then go below 100 steps at any time, the Runbrella explodes and you lose your hands. The premium edition slowly increases the minimum step count over time, forcing you to run to your given destination which you've plotted into the Runbrella's GPS. Once - if - you arrive, the Runbrella disarms.
Using miniature fusion technology, the Sunbrella creates a small star on the top, vaporizing any rain before it even lands. You can safely enter the mall with a bone dry Sunbrella on any occasion, with a tan. Possibly severe burns.
For those who don't want to waste precious time walking to the gym without getting any gains, this one-ton umbrella is sure to work your core, biceps, triceps and pretty much everything else. Don't worry it comes in pathetic sizes too, including the half-tonbrella.
An umbrella with raindrop-sized holes in it.
An umbrella that won a single competition once and now doesn't shut up about it.
This has a flap hanging down that goes in front of your face and adds stupid-ass filters to your face, making people think you're younger than you really are - in real-time. Stupid dog ear stuff included.
An thumb-sized umbrella. Can also be used when you take your insect out for a walk.
For the antisocials and super-shy out there, this one looks so unwelcoming that it makes sure no familiar faces, tourists or charities come up to say hi or offer their useless services.
Unlike the Shunbrella, this one is for the desperate extraverts who can't even consider a single 5-minute walk to the shop without bringing someone else along for company. Instead of selfishly inconveniencing your friends and family, just bring the Chumbrella who will always enthusiastically ask about your day.
Made from recycled Bunbrellas.
So that's all the ones I've been working on. Delegate several million Steem to me and vote for the one you want mass-produced first. It's time to change the status quo.